Over 5 years ago, on December 29th, 2011, just days before what I refer to as my fuck it diet birthday bathroom mirror epiphany… I wrote this post. As a joke. About meditation. That old, questionable blog filled with typos is turning into the gift that keeps on giving.
These days, I “meditate” for 15 minutes a day. I have not yet today, but I will.
I have been doing this for only 2 weeks — so it has not yielded its amazing results yet.
So far it is just another task. Another way to pass my idle days of nothingness, coffee drinking, and “20 minute vitamin-D” walks. I am in Pennsylvania for 3 more days while I still have a “job” doing my shows at night. Soon my grueling work of afternoon babysitting and stressing over the auditions I did not attend, will begin again in NYC.
These are some of the meditation results I am hoping for: peace of mind, peaceful thoughts, happiness, amazing confidence, robotic indifference to my problems, physical beauty, glowing health, money, creativity, physical beauty, love, laughter, and physical beauty.
None of these have happened yet, but I have high hopes and even higher standards for my new and improved life.
It has become clear to me that all the noble and difficult things I do to try and improve my life are very selfish at their core, but I think that is true for many people. Or at least I tell myself to selfishly feel better.
These days I eat my buttery diet of psychotically and obsessively whole foods in order to attain brilliant health that everyone will be envious of one day.
I go for my daily walk in the sun to exercise a little bit, but not so much that I am annoyed, so I will be able to label myself as both lazy and healthy all at the same time.
I do a set of 15 girly push-ups once a week for the same reason.
I don’t drink a lot of alcohol anymore because I want to feel amazing when I wake up.
I gave a donation to a few Christmas charities a few weeks ago (I hear that if you give your money- you become rich by the laws of karma. See? Selfish.) But I am ok with it, because otherwise I may never do anything for anyone else, and then where would I be?! I would have no friends!
Then again, why else would I eat well (minus the entire $5 dark chocolate bar I ate in my bed last night) and exercise moderately and not be an alcoholic? For someone else? For my parents to be proud of me? For my unborn children!? I don’t know the answers to these questions, but again I am hoping that through meditation I will be able to answer all worldly and other-worldly quandaries.
Actually, in a very roundabout way, I guess I kind of do some of these self-improvement projects for my very hypothetical unborn children. Because if my children are horrible, then that would be very annoying to me, especially if I am still in an unimproved, un-enlightened state because I didn’t meditate enough in my youth.
Coffee + Meditation
One last thing I have to say about meditation is that I know I will be very good at it one day. Because I make it VERY hard for myself to be in any state of peace by drinking a LOAD of coffee right before I meditate.
This seems counterintuitive – and – it is. But I assume it is also really flexing my relaxation muscles.
That is all for today, for I must go meditate. If I don’t, my future amazingness is at stake.