How to Be Chill

It is very important to pretend that you are chill and easy going, or else people will not want to be around you. That is what I have learned.

If you want people to think you are chill, which is something you should definitely want, you have to act very calm and casual and seem like you don’t care about anything and that nothing stresses you out, no matter how many trains you miss or how many people are behind you in line at the cash register while you are trying to put the change in the change pocket and the bills in the bills pocket and what do you do with the receipt? Etc.

Here are more ways to trick people into thinking you are chill:

Laugh. Laugh everything off. Especially when you would otherwise be embarrassed: Laugh. Pretend you think personal ridicule is hilarious.

Keep a steady, calm and/or monotone voice always so people never know if you are excited and/or anxious.

Wear really casual clothes all the time so people think that you don’t care about anything and are very comfortable in your own skin.

Wear really nice clothes and act like you have no idea that they look nice.

Drink but don’t get alcoholism. Alcoholics are not chill.

Pretend you think talking is really easy, especially small talk. Chill people don’t mind talking casually and calmly about things. Pretend. And laugh, but don’t laugh nervously. Laugh chill-y.

Pretend you don’t mind silence. Silence can be a frequent and unfortunate life occurrence. So act like you are fine with it.

Be nice but not too nice because overly nice people are compensating for deep inner pain and assholes are also compensating for deep inner turmoil. Strike a balance for god’s sake. Fool us.

Do hard things and don’t let anyone know that you think they are hard. Like if you have to go grocery shopping, just do it. And remember: laugh. And talk to people when they talk to you, etc.

Walk for the train. Don’t run for the train even if it’s leaving because… c’est la vie, as they’ll say.

Be ok with being poor because life is about people anyway.

Be ok with being rich because life is about people anyway.

(that was very wise of me)

Don’t act like you think are wise because everyone wants to be the wise one.

Don’t act like the world is a horrible place because that takes too much unchill energy.

Don’t tell anyone if you think the world is a wonderful place because you need to remain mysterious.

Don’t go on a diet because it means you aren’t cool with how you are and also… I promise that the diet will make you even more unchill.

Read, but only a little bit.

Sleep really well. And if you don’t, pretend you sleep really well. Chill people don’t have insomnia.

Don’t lie, either. Chill people have no need to keep up a facade. Keeping up facades is extremely unchill and very exhausting and you will lose track of your lies.

Ride a bike around like a bohemian.
 
Consider shopping at thrift stores.
 
Don’t take too many vitamins.
 
Don’t wear too much makeup/cologne/perfume.

Don’t tell anyone you read articles on how to be more chill.

The end.

4 comments

  1. Diana says:

    I loved it! It was simple and worthy yet very entertaining 🙂 keep writing like that because it got my attention

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