Hello God

Dear God,

What are we supposed to do about Trump and the environment? When can we impeach him? And would Pence even be any better? I know Pence thinks he is your BFF, but he also probably thinks you are a man on a cloud, which you are not, because you are not a human, and heaven isn’t in the sky, it’s on another plane or something that is too difficult for human brains to understand. Ugh. It’s so frustrating.

I also sort of think that Pence is a robot cyborg which is why his skin and hair look like that, but I can’t say for certain.

My prayers for you today are as follows:

Please help me to enjoy my life like I did a few months ago when I had a lot of free time because I’ve been a little miserable stinker and I’ve been tired and humorless.

Please help me consider buying organic clothes instead of Old Navy because I need to stop supporting child labor.

Please help me to detox my mercury poisoning that inherited from my mother and grandmother’s dental amalgams and probably all the tuna I ate when I was dieting.

Please help me make a lot of money so I can spend it on supplements to help me detox mercury and also so I can support charities and spend money on organic clothes (so I can single handedly stop child labor).

Thank you so much for the air conditioning that is being fixed/installed in my little hobbit house. It looks a little weird on the wall like that since it is basically the biggest fixture in that tiny, tiny room, but I am still so thankful. I really am.

Help me make sure I don’t make climate change worse by using AC in the summer, but I don’t know how to become someone who doesn’t mind heat. So please give me a sign if I am supposed to move to Canada or Oregon or something, and also help my mom get us our irish passports so I can run away to the EU if need be. Let the mercury poisoning from my irish grandmother be worth it because she will be my ticket out.

I could also live in Switzerland and learn to speak German. I will do whatever I must do to be happy.

Show me how I can make the world a better place in whatever small ways, and help me to balance selfishness and selflessness. Because right now I’m pretty selfish- and that’s not good.

Thank you again for all the beautiful things. I’d like to understand how and why everything works but I know I probably never will.

Love, your fickle servant, Caroline

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